I'm Just One More Girl

He’s cute. So cute. And oh so very nice. See, I don’t pick the bad boys. I always pick the nice boys every single time. But they don’t want me or timing is just not right. 

Right now my head is one big confused mess. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know when I should take that chance. I don’t know if I should just take a leap and not worry about where I land. 

It’s hard enough to meet someone I’m interested in. But every time I make a connection, things seem to be doomed to turn out wrong. Why? It’s such a cruel joke. 

Lately, I’ve been flirted at an even though I was pretty clear that I’m not interested, those guys just keep on persisting. They know I’m seeing someone. I’m honest and upfront about that. And I don’t juggle. Seeing more than one guy at a time is just not me. 

Why do guys chase after the person they can’t have? And once they got you, they stop trying. These are the type of games I hate about dating. Is it because I’m a girl, so I don’t get it? Or is it because I’m just me - straight forward, no bullshit, no games kind of person. 

Seriously guys. I really is flattering to chase a girl. And once you’ve got her, don’t stop trying. In fact, you should work even harder to keep things interesting. Don’t fall into a routine. Surprise her! You don’t have to spend money. A lot of times, it’s the thought and effort behind something that will win her over. At least that’s the case with me anyway. 

I had never really dated someone a lot younger than me. And then I did. I didn’t think it would work out, but it did… at least for a little while. There was a connection there and our huge age difference didn’t matter.

Maybe I was watching through rose coloured glasses. 

Because now that I look back, I really can’t see how it could’ve worked out in the end. We are just not in the same place. He needed to mature a bit. Since then I’ve flirted with others, and guys even younger (though not quite “technically” cradle robbing…) I see it now. 

I’m not saying it’s impossible. Every person is different after all. But I guess, I’ve finally moved on and can see things clearly for what it was. And it was good. Just not meant to be.

I sympathize with people. I can’t help it. It’s involuntary. Even guys whom I’ve dated. I can justify their actions and decisions. While that makes me an ideal friend (someone who listens and can give advice, someone who can put things in perspective), I’ve cheated myself in some way.

I should be allowed to be angry. I’m entitled to it. I don’t have to be logical or rational. My heart had been broken. I don’t have to try and be friends. I don’t have to be nice about it. I don’t have to be nice to him. Because it hurts. I’m hurt and I haven’t done what’s needed to work through the pain in a proper way.

It’s time to stop worrying about how other people feel and concentrate on me. I’ve put myself in the back seat for far too long. I don’t usually say this about myself or any situation really. And at the risk of sounding egotistical or high and mighty, but he was wrong. He made a mistake - a huge one at that. We could’ve worked out really well. I can feel it in my gut and my gut in never wrong. And now, it’s too late. One day, he’ll realize that and regret it. Maybe he already does.

I was the one that got away.