I'm Just One More Girl

I sympathize with people. I can’t help it. It’s involuntary. Even guys whom I’ve dated. I can justify their actions and decisions. While that makes me an ideal friend (someone who listens and can give advice, someone who can put things in perspective), I’ve cheated myself in some way.

I should be allowed to be angry. I’m entitled to it. I don’t have to be logical or rational. My heart had been broken. I don’t have to try and be friends. I don’t have to be nice about it. I don’t have to be nice to him. Because it hurts. I’m hurt and I haven’t done what’s needed to work through the pain in a proper way.

It’s time to stop worrying about how other people feel and concentrate on me. I’ve put myself in the back seat for far too long. I don’t usually say this about myself or any situation really. And at the risk of sounding egotistical or high and mighty, but he was wrong. He made a mistake - a huge one at that. We could’ve worked out really well. I can feel it in my gut and my gut in never wrong. And now, it’s too late. One day, he’ll realize that and regret it. Maybe he already does.

I was the one that got away. 

All this time, I thought he wasn’t ready. And maybe it was the truth at the time, but now, I think, maybe it was me. That I wasn’t enough.

Maybe he didn’t see a future with me. Because right now, I have this gut feeling that he is now seeing someone else. And if that is true, then there can only be 2 conclusion: a) it’s just a fling or b) I didn’t offer him what he needed and she does.

Either way, it makes me feel sad. Why is it that men run away from me? Why are some people so amazing that people fall so easily for them? I never have that effect. I’m never enough.

I’m long over due for an actual relationship. Why is it that this is the one part of my life that is always a big fail.